If Flies Were Football Players

Starting Lineup

I'm a huge fan of Football, and Curtis and I always talk about our flies as "starters" vs. "JV players."  Now that that football season is coming to a close, we can go back and reflect how the season played out and how our teams need to adjust to be better next year.  I'm a Raider's fan so I'm pretty much hosed any way I look at it.  BUT... If flies were football players, which ones would be your starters?

Here's my list

Offense:

Grumpy Frumpy

QB:  Grumpy Frumpy - (tutorial here) It's a flashy fly that is the highlight on my box, and most of the attention goes to it when I show my box to someone.  It by far is the most developed pattern I have, and a lot of effort went into getting it where it is.  I can also imagine it taking control of a box and bossing everyone around.

RB: Bling Leech - (tutorial here) The name of the game for this fly is to have more bling and flash than the rest of the flies in your box... and the element of being a very effective fish slayer - enough to piss off ninjas everywhere.  This is a quick tie with maximum flash that will bring fish out of the depths to try to stop it in it's tracks.  Just don't ask it to talk to the media - it's "all about that action boss."

WR:  Aero Baetis and Chimera - (tutorials aero, chimera) The sleek and fast Aero Baetis is my #1 reciever because there is

Brookie and Chimera

nothing about this fly that says "slow" and the fish come out and slam it because it will be gone in an instant.  My slot receiver is that damn Chimera that Curtis is so deadly with.  This fly really shouldn't work due to it not really looking like any food source, but it is effective over and over again, and it pisses me right off... Just like Wes Welker.  I hate you Wes Welker.

TE:  Masked Marauder - (tutorial here) This dude is a piece of art, but still big and tough enough to punch a big ol' brown trout in the mouth.  It has enough finesse to work on picky slack water fish, and enough brute strength to piss off a bank feeder waiting for something meaty.  I can't guarantee that this Tight End won't go to a night club, take off his shirt, and act like a total D-bag...

Petite Sirloin Stonefly

OL: Petite Sirloin Stonefly and Blingnobyl Ant - (tutorials petite, blingonbyl) These stoneflies are much bigger and fatter than they ought to be, but they are vital weapons for making sure that every fish in the stretch gets caught.  The Left Tackle is actually the Blingnobyl Ant because it's more effective than the Petite Sirloin and it knows it.  Kind of a diva... A very large, overpaid diva.

FB: Bead Head Hare's Ear - (kicked up tutorial here) This fly has no frills, no fancy legs, glitter, or epoxy.  This fly has paved the way for many other nymphs, and it can plain punch a fish right in it's fat face.  When the Hare's Ear comes in to the game, you know it's good for at least a couple fish.

Defense:

Alpha Predator

DE: Alpha Predator - (tutorial here) This fly is larger in size than your run-of-the-mill baitfish pattern, and can be tied to hunt down and punish everything from slow moving dumb fish to the fastest fish in saltwater.  It will chase them all down and put a serious sized piercing in their lips.  Big, check.  Fast, check.  These are the freaks of the bench.

DT: Lunch Lady - (tutorial here) The Lunch Lady never was a kind creature.  This bug is chunky in the front, chunky in the back, and has the disposition of a hungry grizzly bear right after hibernation.  The last fish I caught with it got stomped on with both hooks so I had to suspend it for two trips.

Cutthroat that KILLED a Sick-ada

LB: Sick-ada - (tutorial here) This bug has the agility to fly through the air and float on top of the water, but it still maintains it's solid construction to make a heavy meal for a hungry trout.  This bug has extra layers of armor and beady eyes that make it look evil, so it enjoys pain and causing pain to others.

SS: Mailman Green Drake - (tutorial here) This one does a good job of surveying the river to make sure that each fish in the run has paid the price.  It will either cover ground, or make the fish cover ground to come eat it.  What's that fish?  You want to get punched in the face?  Much obliged.

FS: Low Fat Minnow - (tutorial here) Now the Low Fat Minnow isn't quite on the scale of meanness as the Alpha Predator or the Mailman, but it cleans up any of the fish that the first two couldn't stop.  The Low Fat Minnow is a sleek chunk of protein that covers water very quickly and effectively.  As one of the most effective flies in the universe (except for maybe parts of Mars,) this is the bug that you need playing rover for you.

CB: Ninja Pupa - (tutorial here) This one is a complicated creature that can be a bit hard to understand.  As  full

Ninja Pupa

fledged ninja, it can sneak up on any fish and pick em' off right in their own house...  The issue I have had with this fly is that it has emotional outbursts at the end of fishing season, but it always backs it up the next year.

Special Teams:

P: Griffith's Gnat - (article here) You know this bug.  EVERY single fly rotation has to have one because if all of your other stuff doesn't work you know that your GG has a slim chance to get you back into the game.  It's not the most durable fly in the world, but it's probably worth having in your box.

Bonneville Cutthroat with an appetite for Fripples

K: Fripple - (tutorial here) This fly looks out of place in a fly box full of other nice and well proportioned flies, but it definitely has it's place.  It's pretty delicate and might not be able to take the beatings the other flies can, but it secretly leads the whole box in scoring.  It's dead effective and you can't leave home without a few.

Long Snapper: Wooly Worm -  This bug is basically just a glorified Griffith's Gnat that is a little bit tougher.  It's usually just sitting the sidelines for show, but can come in handy at certain times during the trip.

Returner: Foamerger - (tutorial here) This fly is the fastest tie that we have on the bench, and you can do a dozen of them in record time.  If things line up just right, it is also a bona fide assassin on the river.  This unsuspecting fly in a small package can put fish on the board in a hurry.

Please comment if you have any flies that you would like us to consider for a starting spot.

~Cheech