How to Fish Undercover

6 pointers to improve your hero shots

Largemouth Bass caught in Pelican Lake, UT

Have you ever had this terrifying act happen to you while fishing?  Before I delve into this serious subject, I want to just explain that there need to be two willing parties to make this work.  1- The "Dude" and not the Big Lebowski type of dude.  The Dude is the guy in all of the pics regardless of who catches the fish.  2- The "Wing Man."  This is the guy who gets to use the Dude's camera to take pics of said Dude.  No real photography skills are needed for this role because all cameras come with the little "green camera" auto setting that ensures that you will be automatically awesome on Instagram, Facebook, and your local pissing match forum.

This excerpt is directed at the Dude.  NOT the Wing Man: 

You are fishing your secret spot that is probably public water that may or may not be accessible to the jackwads that frequent the interwebs.  It's just you, your 7 wt Pflueger rod/reel combo, a spool of 8 pound test, and pocket full of a secret pattern you affectionately call "Trout Candy."  Your DSLR is strapped around your neck and the arrow is pointing to the little green camera setting ready to go so you can hand it to your Wing Man to get photographic evidence that you in fact were there.  That you, in fact, have the ability... the audacity... the POWER, to raise a fish out of the water and hold it up for your wing man to capture the image of a lifetime.  What's so terrifying about this?  I'll tell you.  It's impossible to get a picture of you holding your prize without getting the background in the picture.  Having the background in the picture is the same as walking a single file line of swinging dicks to your treasured hole, handing each and every one of them your Pflueger Trophy Tamer, and making sure that the Trout Crack is even tied with a LOOP KNOT to maximize movement...  Yes.  It's serious.  Why not just take a pic of the fish at water level so as to maximize the health of the fish, and ensure that no swinging dick will be able to recognize the background???  Dumb question.  RIDICULOUS question!  You are just as important as the fish in this picture, for how will your esteemed associates know that it was you who foul hooked caught this majestic beast.  In fact, you are actually MORE important than the fish in the picture.  There are many fish in the sea, but there is only one of you.  Pixelation and digital paintbrushes are your ONLY option.

Ok...  So now that you see that this is a very serious issue, we have researched and met with several Dudes to help us understand some common techniques to help you fish undercover.

Blackout

1- Blackout the evidence.  It's OK for the people to see a little bit of the brown bath tub of a boat in
this picture, but all of the damning evidence is GONE!  See?  They get to see you, they get to see the fish, and everybody wins.  I also probably should have blacked out the baitcaster that I used to catch this fish.

Pixelate

2- Pixelate the evidence.  That's right!  It's kind of like, "Hey you Jackholes, you can kind of see where I was fishing, but not really."  The good thing about this is that people will actually get in their cars and drive to similar looking pixelated areas and waste their time trying to find your spot.  With any luck they will end up in New Jersey with no cash to pay the tolls.

Pixelate everything... but the face

3- Pixelate everything!  Everything except you.  Remember that you are the most important part of this picture...  AND people will still be able to see the fish for the most part.  Also, when I say pixelate everything, I mean everything but your face.

Get creative... PAINT!

4- Paint the pic yourself.  This is similar to pixelating the picture, but instead you use a paintbrush tool to make the picture look just like you painted it.  As you see in this picture, you want to go just "Picasso" enough to make sure that the background doesn't show through.  VERY IMPORTANT - leave your face alone.  The people need to know it's you.

The rare purpleout

5- Purpleout...  You have never heard of a purple out, but you just basically make everything purple except for your face and a TINY part of the fish.  As you can see in this picture, there is enough fish showing to prove that it's a 7+ pound largemouth.  It also helps to draw arrows and hashtags to help your pic get more likes.

The Green Ninja

6- The Green Ninja.  This is where you leave the background there and just paint yourself green.  It's important to leave just enough of yourself showing so your closest friends know that it's you.  In this picture I left a tiny portion of Bob Marley's face showing so people can recognize me.  Everybody knows that Cheech is the only one who catches 7 pound largemouth while wearing Bob Marley shirts.

~Cheech


In all seriousness though...  I love to see fishing related pictures, but is the hero shot important enough to post these poorly edited eyesores on the internet?  If you are fishing in a sensitive area, find a way to take a pic without having to compromise the picture with the above silliness!  At the end of the day, I hope you got a good laugh out of this, because I sure had fun writing it!